just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
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I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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