I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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