Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize