:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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