I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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