WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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