sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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