if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
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Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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