my room smells like sperm. sweet.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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