So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
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Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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