yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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