I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
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she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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