Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize