Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize