We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
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why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
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She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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