You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
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I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
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