genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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