the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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