I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
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I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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