im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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