five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize