Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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