If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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