I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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