come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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