She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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