I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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