So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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