When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
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That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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