idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize