wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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