tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
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So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
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The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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