just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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