The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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