At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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