Tell her she can't have a vagina
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
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5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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