she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize