perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
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I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
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Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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