Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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