Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
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Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
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I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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