why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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