Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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