i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
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Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
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At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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