If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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