ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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