please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
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