I puked a lego.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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