I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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