my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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