The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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